view member journals
Search All Journals
-Age-
< 18
18-24
25-35
35-45
45+
-Gender-
Male
Female
-Country-
Angola
Argentina
Australia
Austria
Bahamas
Bahrain
Bangladesh
Barbados
Belgium
Brazil
Brunei
Canada
Cape Verde
Chile
China
Colombia
Croatia (Hrvatska)
Denmark
Fiji Islands
Finland
France
Georgia
Germany
Greece
Guam
Guatemala
Hong Kong SAR
Hungary
India
Indonesia
Iran
Ireland
Israel
Japan
Kenya
Korea
Latvia
Lebanon
Lithuania
Malaysia
Mexico
Moldova
Mongolia
Nepal
Netherlands
Netherlands Antilles
New Caledonia
New Zealand
Nigeria
Norway
Oman
Pakistan
Philippines
Portugal
Qatar
Romania
Russia
Saudi Arabia
Serbia and Montenegro
Singapore
Solomon Islands
South Africa
Spain
Sri Lanka
Sweden
Switzerland
Taiwan
Tajikistan
Thailand
Tokelau
Trinidad and Tobago
Turkey
Tuvalu
Uganda
United Arab Emirates
United Kingdom
Uruguay
USA
Uzbekistan
Venezuela
Vietnam
Virgin Islands
Wallis and Futuna
Zambia
View users with:
Most entries
,
Most viewed
,
Most commented
Most popular tags:
Zdigitizing(87)
,
LOVE(40)
,
Travel(40)
,
essay(31)
,
life(30)
,
...more
You searched for: Tag: chronic pain
inPlainSight
39, Female, California, USA - 2 entries
14
Feb 2011
6:59 PM CST
Im tired of Blogging...
I'm tired of blogging with the intent that everyone will read it. Hoping that someone reads it. Watching what I say because of who might read it and so forth. I haven't written just for me for so long. It's a weird kind of privacy to just sink into the masses and be a faceless, nameless writer. It's good though. As for my personal thoughts, I don't want them to go unattended to. I'd would rather have a perfect stranger read them than someone I know though. When blogging I have to pretend to be floating along through life perfectly. That's what everyone expects. I'm tired...
I don't want to go all dark on everyone, that's not my intention. But I don't always feel good, and I feel like I have no one to talk to about that. Everyone is busy, busy bees. Supposedly stressed because I interupt their work too much. They're not even really working. They sit there laughing at youtube, or whatever... that's not working. I feel like a 2nd class citizen to the people I thought I was 1st for. This could really depress me, but I haven't let it. It's got me down, but not depressed. I guess I'm scared of depression.
I live in chronic pain. I'm 25, overweight, ugly, and in chronic pain. I should be a miserable creature. I feel like I've been alive 250 years not 25. This pain thing is getting old. Really old. It's getting to the point where I don't even want to get out of bed. I feel like my life has been stolen and I'm trapped in this body that hates me. This fat girl is living my life like a selfish beast. Sometimes I get up the nerve to fight back against her, but... she's bigger than me, she always wins.
I just don't feel like uplifting anyone today... if I can't do it for myself how can I muster up anything for anyone else? I'm tired.
It's Valentine's day. I don't know whether to be happy or sad. Happy that I have someone who loves me, or sad that everyone forgets to love each other the rest of the year.
I feel really sick to my stomach when I look in a mirror. How does anyone love that?
Alright, well I have to go now before I get caught and interrogated...
So, bye...
Tags:
blogging
,
chronic pain
,
depression
,
fat
Add comment
Add Comment:
Current Tags:
blogging
,
chronic pain
,
depression
,
fat
Add Tags:
To add multiple tags, please separate them with comma ( , )
View all posts
Matches: 1